Monday, April 20, 2015

When You Realize You've Just Contradicted Yourself Entirely

I stepped into the year determined to take life day by day, and with great will. In the past month my beloved Grandma Sweetheart passed away. I stopped writing, and it wasn't necessarily in that order. But one night I watched the moon and I was thinking about how I wanted just one more day with her. And distracting myself, I thought about my absense in the linguistic world. Perhaps my mind was only following a thread of guilt. 

Somewhere in this mess I became aware of the complete 180 my words have flipped since I embarked on the alter-ego of my blog, x/365. Now here I am, writing about my own writing. What is this blogging thing anyway? 

When you realize you've just contradicted yourself entirely, invite this most pleasing phrase to approach the mind: I don't know anything. 

Finding myself scrutinizing the quantity and significance of my possessions, strategizing for ultimate productivity and dream-catching, and getting nowhere near to a clear mind-- I realized that although I had recently composed a new mantra, I have not yet grasped an understanding of what the perfect life compass might sound like.

I don't know anything, when it comes down to it. When it comes to what we're all doing here, how. When it comes to how in the world we put up with loads of bullshit in the media and from institutions and then we spew it on each other because we don't know any other way. When it comes to the miraculous ability of individuals who really, truly believe in something.

Luckily, I have been blessed with people who remind me of what matters, when it comes down to it.

Grandma Sweetheart was a light for everyone. She still is, as her true-to-the-bone compassion is alive in the thought of her. If I learned one thing from my great grandmother (and I learned many), it's that nothing is more inspiring than sheer joy of living.

I have spent the past seven months living a sliding door away from three beautifully and highly energetic children. They are so full of love I can hardly stand it. In ancient Hawaiian culture, babies are thought of like bowls of light. They are close to the spirit world, having just come from there, and so children are cherished for their mana, their energy, life-force.

Please share your stories about people who light up your world. 

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