A perfect pothole

My writing has slowed. My pace has slowed. My patience has been tested as much as my Spanish. These last few days in Sevilla have been different than I expected... Maybe that's where I went wrong, having expectations. I tried not to, but that's a difficult feat when thinking about the next four months of my life.
My travels around France and Bruges prepared me for this experience in some ways. I know not to look for water fountains and how to get by with a language barrier; I learned how to get around without a taxi, how to become comfortable around new people quickly; I learned how to sit back and recognize cultural differences without shouting about them, sounding like an ignorant American tourist. I'd like to think I've learned these lessons at least. But as for my fellow study-abroaders, coming from costly private colleges and apparently sheltered lifestyles, I can't say the same.

Against all my might and knowledge I think about this every time we are sheeped onto tour buses like a horde of yakking bystanders. (If you're surprised by the negativity and detail of my metaphor, join my club.) But although I seem upset by this, I see the silver linings. First, despite the disconnection that exists between me and most, not even all, of the other students in my program, I am happy to be aware of my interaction with Sevilla as a tourist. Secondly, I am taking in this experience as an individual, rather than, as I expect my reaction would be during my first time in Europe, grabbing a buddy for dear life. I don't mean to condemn the friendships surely forming around me or diminish their values. And I'm not suggesting I'll be facing this semester in solitude. I just mean that I found a wonderful peace and reward in taking in such a grand experience personally, without others to sway interpretation.

Now whether I'm better off having learned these truths about myself is debatable. I think I would be in a more blissful place without these thoughts on my mind. I've learned that I'm a nervous eater, for instance. Despite the fact that I can't wait for this anxiety to pass, however, you can tell by my whirling thoughts and long-lived partiality to worrying that I've never been one for easy bliss.

So I'm dragging you with me, making you wait patiently through this transition into mi vida Sevillana. I plan to move beyond this awkward stage soon, my classes beginning tomorrow and meeting the rest of my host family this afternoon. I plan to absorb the culture and gems of Sevilla once I get a grip on my crazy mind, but you'll have to suffer through it with me.

I can tell you this though: the food is delicious.